This Is Your Brain on No Booze
What really happens to your body, sleep, and social life when you stop drinking—and why I wish I’d done it years ago.
Welcome to the Midlife Field Guide.
One year.
Two Gen X friends.
Countless personal life experiments.
Can they figure out the meaning of midlife?
Hey Midlifers!
It’s the end of September and I have big news! After deciding to re-examine my relationship with alcohol in February (Part 1), and going through a lot of peer pressure to drink since then (Part 2), I’ve not only done SIX MONTHS with no booze… I’ve done EIGHT MONTHS.
The experiment ended at the start of August. And for whatever reason, I have still not had a drink of alcohol yet. Instead of an A.A. chip, I have decided to celebrate this milestone by giving myself a non-alcoholic, non-anonymous Midlife Field Guide badge.
I was visited by a final test of will right at the end of the six month mark of the experiment. I was in Calgary watching my son playing in an international volleyball tournament. If you’re in Calgary, I’m pretty sure it’s mandatory to eat at least one massive Alberta steak dinner or the locals will call in the Beef Police to set you straight.
So my wife Debbie and I went out to a great place called Bridgette and the server raved about their wine list. Raved about it. She had told us that she has zero tolerance for zero-proof booze, but only because of wine. She informed us that there aren’t any good non-alcoholic wines because the producers can’t replace or replicate tannins. And then she detailed how their sommelier travels to Europe every year and comes back with unbelievable wines, many of which are exclusive to Bridgette.
It was very tempting to just order a glass of some magical red wine to have with our steak (which was amazing). It was like the devil had sent me one last, sumptuous temptation to break the experiment.
And yet I still had no problem saying no.
The Wrap-Up Report
As I sit writing this, I am stunned that I have not had a single drink in over eight months. I am even more stunned that it was not as hard as I thought it would be.
Here are my conclusions:
I am missing nothing in my life by excluding alcohol.
I feel better and have more energy.
I am sleeping better.
I am 100% okay with being the designated driver for every evening out, and it’s a perk for everyone else, too.
Is it still a bit awkward socially when everyone else is drinking? Yes, but I’m confident that I can be just as obnoxious sober as I am with a few drinks in me, and will do my best to fit in.🤪
The biggest takeaway from this experiment is that I wish I had done this a long time ago. My life was not better with alcohol in it, but it is so normalized in our society that I just never gave it a second thought. If the thought of giving up alcohol ever came up, it would be paired with “lame” and “uptight.”
Debbie heard a quote somewhere, something along the lines of “Alcohol is the only drug that society actively encourages you to consume more of.” And when you stop drinking, this truth becomes very clear. It’s a weird anomaly when you step back and look at it objectively.
Everywhere you look, there are encouragements to drink alcohol. Happy Hours tell us that it’s happier when we’re drinking and it’s cheaper than usual. Sidewalk signs, t-shirts, and hats declare:
“It’s 5 o’clock somewhere.”
“A day without beer probably won’t kill me, but why risk it?”
“Drinking responsibly means don’t spill it.”
“I doubt vodka is the answer… but it’s worth a shot!”
My friend, Jordan Kawchuk, has written a lot about alcohol use disorder. I loved his post exploring what it would look like if we treated other drugs the way we treat alcohol.
I’ve Become A S.O.D.
After six… er, eight months of abstinence, my relationship with alcohol has radically changed. I see it differently. I don’t need it. I don’t crave it. I don’t want it.
I promise I’m not going to be preaching from the hilltops trying to convert everyone else into giving up alcohol. For me, though, I don’t see a reason to go back to drinking on any sort of regular basis again.
Will I never have another drink in my whole life? I doubt it.
I’m sure there will be occasions where I make a conscious decision to have a drink because it’s a unique opportunity or experience. However, I feel very confident that it will be a rare exception instead of the rule. My friend Jon told he labelled this approach “The S.O.D. - The Special Occassion Drinker.” I feel confident that I’m now a S.O.D.
My Non-Alcoholic Beverage Recommendations
Here are my recommendations for the best non-alcoholic drinks if you want to give this a try yourself. I’m not a reviewer, so you won’t be getting any tasting notes or anything like that. (“This mocktail has a hint of oak and some strong notes of blackberry…”). These are just the ones that I went back to regularly because I enjoyed them more than the other options.
Beer:
Mocktails:
Spirits
NOA spiced rum and gin
Red wine
White wine
My Recommendations for A Booze-Free Experiment
If you want to undertake an experiment like this yourself, these were the most important factors for me:
Commit to at least three months. Give yourself the time to really get used to not drinking for an extended period of time. Three months is long enough for habits and cues to exhaust themselves and for clearer thinking and better sleep to arrive. It’s interesting to me that in A.A-land, “give it 90 days” is a popular refrain, with three months being a very significant milestone of sobriety. So yeah—there’s a lot suggesting that three months is a great place to start.
Give it up completely. No cheating. No exceptions. Make it a true pact. It’s easier to make it black and white.
Tell other people you’re doing it. You can come up with a reason. Just saying that I was doing an “experiment” made it more fun and less stressful to share my decision with others. When you tell people, you don’t have to hide that you’re not drinking, which again makes it easier.
You might want to get rid of the alcohol in your house or move it somewhere really inconvenient. Then stock up your fridge with fake beer and mocktails. A la Atomic Habits, design your environment to make it easy to embrace the new habit and hard to continue with the old one.
Try to journal, write notes, or just pay attention to how you’re feeling, what situations are more triggering or challenging than others, and what you notice about our society’s general relationship with alcohol.
I know there are a lot of you in situations similar to mine, where drinking is a regular, unhealthy habit that isn’t negatively impacting your day-to-day life, but isn’t exactly improving it either.
I can conclusively report that my life has been better without alcohol in it.
This has been a great experiment for me personally and, based on both the medical research and my own personal experience, I would highly recommend anyone who is sober-curious to try doing this yourself.
As always, thank you so much for reading and I hope this edition hasn’t been too preachy! 🤣
Steve
Part one: From Beer Olympics to Fake Gin & Tonics
Part two: Never Trust Anyone Who Doesn’t Drink
If you should find yourself in the UK I recommend a Lucky Saint alcohol-free beer :)
not preachy at all! (though i do sing in the choir...) just lots of candid, first-hand experience delivered in your usual generous and humorous style:)