The Only Middle-Aged Man in Modern Dance Class
The Only Middle-Aged Man in Modern Dance Class
How one man’s midlife yearnings led him to his first dance class
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My friend Mark Slutsky writes a delightful newsletter called Something Good. Like the title says, it’s usually something pretty good. A couple of weeks ago he wrote something good that awoke a creative curiosity in me.
He started off his newsletter with this:
I’ve been taking dance lessons (modern dance, if you must know) for a few months now. One day I realized I missed the joy of moving my body expressively and so I signed up for adult classes at the local studio where my daughter goes.
I’ve now known Mark for three decades. He’s a writer, a filmmaker and a video game creator, all artistic exploits that on the surface should not make me surprised that he’s also begun exploring dance. Except I am.
The Mark I know is the same Mark who described himself to me as a “big tall hairy guy who's not super coordinated.”
Of all the things that I felt Mark may do artistically, I didn’t peg modern dance as one of them.
I had no idea why Mark had chosen to do this and I knew I needed to hear more. So I called him.
Me: Mark, why are you doing this?
Mark: Well, I used to go dancing a lot when I was younger. I was a DJ and I had a lot of my most meaningful, memorable experiences on dance floors. I would think I was tired but somehow through the music I would find sources of energy in my soul that I didn't realize were there, and I just missed all of that. Does that make sense?
Me: Yeah, totally.
Mark: I gradually stopped doing that. I became a parent so there was no going out at night. And then COVID happened, and one thing I really did miss was moving my body expressively.
While dropping his daughter off at dance lessons one day he saw a sign advertising adult dance classes. Days later he found himself in a dance studio, with a class full of middle aged women, all staring at him.
Mark: I was kind of terrified that day, but it really was the kind of thing where instantly I could tell the energy of the room was so bemused by my presence. I was by far the least coordinated, worst dancer there, but no one cared.
I find myself both inspired by what Mark did and in a weird way drawn to take the same kind of chances. The idea of doing something so outside of my comfort zone like taking a dance class seems both totally bonkers to me and also totally amazing.
Me: As somebody who in a weird way aspires to do exactly what you've done, what advice would you have for me?
Mark: I honestly think that if something scares you, it means it's something you should do. Whenever there's been a thing I wanted to do that scared me, but I actually did it, it was always rewarding, whether I was successful or not. What is literally the worst thing that could happen? Someone laughs at you? Who cares! People, especially in a situation like dance, they're always happy to see some big galloot show up and take it seriously. Who could not like that? By showing up you're showing vulnerability in a way that people will soften into.
The day I spoke to Mark was the same day as his culminating dance class recital. It was to be a bit of a variety show, made up of performances from all the adult dance classes. His parents in-law from out of town were going to be there. As were his wife and child. His entire routine was only a couple of minutes long, but still Mark was nervous.
I asked him to send me a note afterwards letting me know how it all went:
The performance went great, but I was thinking about how I said yesterday that it didn't matter if I was any good at dancing. Reflecting on that today, I don't think that's quite right. I think what I really mean is that it doesn't matter how good I am relative to any externality. As in, compared to anybody else. I actually really enjoy how I've gotten marginally better at dancing, and that sense of self-improvement is really important. What doesn't matter is if I am objectively good at it, or am in some externally-defined tier of achievement. That is a huge and relieving contrast to the way I think about my career, the art I make, etc.
Also, I am in a lot of pain today lol.
I love that Mark takes modern dance so seriously. The images of him during his recital brings me such delight.
He certainly doesn’t fit into the stereotype of a modern dancer, and who knows if he’s any “good” at it, but that clearly doesn’t matter. He’s taken a chance by doing something bold in his life and I love it. He’s activated a new creative outlet that he never had access to before.
As I approach 50 I find myself seeking out the feelings I can get from taking chances by putting myself out there even more. I want to tap into that life force that only taking creative risks can bring.
It tickles me to think about Mark in the dance studio moving his middle-aged body to the music. Who knows, perhaps one of these days I’ll even follow in his footsteps.
Creative Prompts
What’s a creative risk that you would you love to take in your life right now?
What’s an activity that you used to love and would love to revisit but fear that you may no longer be “good" at?
What’s a feeling that you would love to feel more of in your life?
Our friend Andy Sheppard was in South Africa recently when he came across a group called the Iminqweno Yethu Choir. They made a sound like nothing he had ever heard before. Andy is an accomplished musician himself and a few days later he had some studio time booked in Cape Town and invited them to come along. Thirty of them took him up on his offer and this video is the result.
It may be the most joyous thing we’ve seen in a long long time.
