Saying YES to Saying YES

F*&C the F*#& No Movement!

The Creativity Guild is a community of mid-life creative explorers looking to reignite our creative sparks.  This is the place to reconnect with your creativity and start the projects you’ve always wanted to work on and be the person you’ve always wanted to be.

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The NO Industrial Complex

There is an entire industry built on learning how to say “NO!” I know this because as a life-long people-pleaser, I read books and articles about how to learn to say “no” when I was overwhelmed. To me, these books are a hopeful antidote to burnout and serve a valuable purpose if you are submersed and the water level is still rising. 

However…

In 2023, I have committed to DOING THE OPPOSITE. I am saying “YES” And so far, I have NO regrets.

Why I’m Saying YES

As I wrote earlier this year, I was pretty burned out after COVID and leaving the company I co-founded. And when you’re burned out and isolating due to a global pandemic, remote working, or trying to figure out your next chapter, you say NO a lot more than YES.

I got pretty good at saying no. I said no to social gatherings, to job offers, to concerts, and much more. What I discovered though, is that saying no too often leads to Groundhog Day. If you always say no, every day kind of ends up the same.

I felt disconnected, bored, unmotivated, and unchallenged.

So I decided to say NO to saying NO, which is just another way of saying that I decided to start saying YES.

From HELL YEAH! TO YES

There is an amazing sentiment from Derek Sivers that I have embraced in the past called “Hell Yeah or No” - essentially, if you’re not so excited about an opportunity that you’re yelling, “HELL YEAH!” then it’s an instant no. It is a brilliant way to pay attention to what truly excites you and where you want to spend your time, energy, and attention.

However… I was at a point where I did not have any opportunities that made me want to scream “HELL YEAH!”  And if you don’t have any HELL YEAH opportunities, then everything is a NO. And you end up in Groundhog Day. So I made a conscious decision to lower the bar (apologies, Derek!).  

I decided to just start saying YES and see what happened. 

The Power of YES

Here are five different areas where I have been saying YES:

SOCIAL

I said YES to pretty much every request for a coffee, lunch, walk, phone call, or Zoom.

The result: I had so many surprisingly great conversations, reconnected with old friends, learned a lot, and was energized by all the social contact. There have been many surprising connections and synergies that never would have happened if I had said NO or waited until it was HELL YEAH.

TRAVEL

I said YES to travel that I wasn’t a HELL YEAH!

The result: I went to a 30-year high school reunion, the Podcast Movement Evolutions conference in Vegas (thanks, Bryan Barletta!), and tagged along with my wife on a trip to Austin while she attended a medical conference (thanks, Debbie!). Each time, I was nervous about going on the trip. And each time, I made the right call to go and had terrific experiences. From reconnecting with classmates to reconnecting with podcast industry friends to eating a ridiculous amount of barbeque and visiting Ryan Holiday’s bookstore, I got more out of saying YES than I ever expected.

NEW ACTIVITIES

I said YES to invitations to do new things that scared me.

The result: I said yes to an invitation to play in a tennis tournament recently. I did not realize what I had signed up for - it was an International Tennis Federation official event, there was a gallery, and there was a referee. I was TERRIFIED. I almost withdrew because I was so sure I was going to embarrass myself. But I said yes and it was a great experience. I lost all my matches (shocker) but I survived my nerves, I hit some good shots, and didn’t throw up all over myself. It was a surreal experience and I’m so glad I leaned into the thing that I was scared about and ALMOST said NO to.

I also said YES to writing a book with the fine folks at Page Two. I have had huge imposter syndrome about writing a book and almost said NO. It was definitely not a HELL YEAH! because I didn’t have the confidence to say HELL YEAH! But I decided to say YES and so far the experience of mapping out and beginning a book has been wonderful and rewarding.

NEW CONNECTIONS

I said YES to reaching out to smart, interesting people that I wanted to talk to.

The result: For this newsletter, my Creativity Business newsletter, and the book project, I knew I wanted to talk to a bunch of smart, interesting people. And yet, since I left job at a podcasting company, I have again felt a lack of confidence in reaching out to talk to people. Why would they want to talk to me? I don’t have a podcasting company anymore. I don’t have a giant email list. I’m sure they will say no and I will look like an idiot, I told myself. 

But with my Creativity Guild co-conspirator Geoff’s help, I talked myself into reaching out to people and they’ve pretty much all said yes. So far, my conversations have included:
A.J. Jacobs
Stephen Marche
Jonah Berger
Dan Heath
And soon I will be talking with Ann Handley and Michael Bungay-Stanier

How cool is that? If you had told me that I would have talked to all these smart, inspiring people in the last six months… then I probably would have screamed HELL YEAH!

If I had said NO because I was nervous, or waited to reduce uncertainty until I was HELL YEAH, I would have missed out on great conversations and learnings. 

HEALTHY HABITS

I said YES to doing things I knew I SHOULD be doing but didn’t want to do.

The result: A few months prior to Health Canada’s aggressive anti-alcohol recommendations (2 drinks a week!), my wife and I mutually decided to cut back on alcohol consumption. I quite enjoy a Dark & Stormy or a glass of red wine, so this was most certainly not a HELL YEAH decision for me. But I said YES because it was the right thing to do for our health. We found some great non-alcoholic beer (Partake!) and canned mocktails (Opus!) and it has honestly been a seamless lifestyle shift as a result.

Same thing with working out. I started doing strength training once a week, not because it was a HELL YEAH at all. It’s because I knew I SHOULD do it and that it was smart for my long-term health. Do I look forward to doing it every week? Nope. But I still say YES and I’m glad I do.

With both the alcohol reduction and the strength training, I am sleeping better, feeling more energy during the day, and I feel better about my health in general.

Some of these YES decisions are tied directly to Creativity and many of them have had ancillary impacts on Creativity. 

Overall, the biggest impact of YES has been novelty. I have had experiences that I would not have had if I had said NO or waited for the HELL YEAH threshold. Novelty fires up my creativity, exposes me to new collaborators and experiences, teaches me, and fills me with energy. Novelty keeps me in the present, which also makes me really happy.

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Creative Prompts

• What are your thresholds for saying NO, YES, or HELL YEAH?

• Are you getting enough novelty in your day-to-day life or are you stuck in Groundhog Day? 

• What would happen if you said YES to something you normally say NO to?

• Who are some people you would love to talk with?

• What are some activities you are scared to say YES to?

• What are some things you know you SHOULD say YES to, but that you don’t want to?

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The Kicker

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